The Mainstream Blue Jays Fan (Extended)

The only thing worse than an obsessively hipster sports fan is an obsessively mainstream sports fan. 

I should clarify - being a mainstream sports fan isn't wearing Aeropostale while watching the game. The same applies for hipster sports fans - it's not a combination of sports with some bearded guy singing about his vegan canoe. This differs from everyday mainstreamity and hipsterness (they're words if I want them to be).

Rather it's the manner in which one cheers for their team. I've spotted some trends over the years which I've classified as mainstream sports mannerisms - particularly those which apply to our hometown Blue Jays. I've compiled a list of three quick steps to determine if you are a Mainstream Blue Jays fan. Let's investigate:

1. The Bandwagon Effect: This is fundamental to the vicious cycle of Toronto sports, and seasonally festive to each team not named the Leafs. Considering the cliches proclaimed during each team's preseason - "we're gonna give it our all", "we think we have a shot" - the level of hopeless optimism mires Toronto in a thick layer of bandwagon muck. Mainstream Jays fans are the ones who join the bandwagon mid-March but are off by late-April. Those who last the whole year? Hipster Jays fans.
2. Jose Bautista fan, eh?: Well then, that's a mainstream Jays fan.  Most don't realize that he is no longer the best player on the team, but that's okay. Keep on sporting that Jose Bautista jersey with your generic Old Navy jeans and flat brimmed cap. Say, is that an iPhone 5?
3. Hold the 'solution' to the team: Be vague too. Question a "winning mentality" or a "lack of leadership" and be sure to blame the manager for reasons you don't know of. Simply put, talk jack shit but pretend you know what's going on. Speculation is important for the quintessential Blue Jays fan.

If this isn't you, congratulations. You've managed to swim away from the fishing net of mainstream baseball fandom. 

If this is you, there's hope… 

Just remember - we all seek a certain sense of authenticity as fans.  By avoiding the trap of being a mainstream Blue Jays fan, you can discover your sense of identity as a baseball fan. Quickly! Define yourself before it's too late...

Ten Reasons To Love Colby Rasmus

1. His possum stew consumption/9 IP is outstanding




2. We're talking dingers for dough. He hits a dinger, you get cash. Wow, now that's a double play.

3. He's from the deep south - yet he lives in inner Toronto. It's kinda like "Coming To America" starring Eddie Murphy.

4. He runs down fly balls like monster trucks run down dirt.

5. Speaking of #4, monster trucks.

6. Speaking of #5, chili dawgs

7. Speaking of #4 and #5,  'MURICA

8. He's a family man. Who doesn't love that?

9. He hits dingers... for dough... again. Oh, and possum stew too.

10. Colby is kinda good at the baseball thing now - which is a pleasant surprise.

Six Quick Tips - How To Be A Mainstream Blue Jays Fan

1. Join the bandwagon in March, threaten to leave the bandwagon in Early April

Possibly the most important of all. Announce to the world that you'll cheer for a team off to a hot start... like the 2009 Toronto Blue Jays (REMEMBER THAT? FIRST PLACE ON MAY 23RD).

2. Purchase a Jose Bautista jersey, then question Jose Bautista

Well aren't you special?

3. Be vague when offering advice to improve the ballclub.

Be sure to include words such as "leadership" and"mentality" - somewhat connected to #2, questioning Jose Bautista.

4. Blame Everything on Gibby

I'm sorry you're having intimacy issues #BlameGibby

5. Love Kawasaki

Just because he's a warm hearted immigrant who can't speak English

6. Compare the Blue Jays to teams who have experienced success within the past 18 months

Oh, yea, because the Baltimore Orioles were SO GOOD for the past twenty years